Embracing Death
by Hellion5Angel4
Summary: In Iraq when you're on the EOD squad, anything is possible. Specialist Madeline Gilmour lands in a squad led by a reckless and almost crazy EOD Tech, Sergeant William James. With her two other squad members, Jake Kennedy and Luke Taft, can they make it out of war alive? James/OC
1. Chapter 1

**Woohoo! I finally convinced myself to do a Hurt Locker story. Okay, I will state this now. ****I am a civilian. I don't know that much about combat, a little about ranks, a little about guns, and a touch of what it actually takes to become an EOD Tech/Specialist. I looked it up online, and that's about as far as my knowledge of this goes. I'll try to do my best not to shred the military of what actually goes on, what they really live like, or what they deal with because: ****_I don't_****_ know!_**** I don't own anything pertaining to The Hurt Locker or Jeremy Renner. I own nothing from the military or any of that. This is a story written based off what I watched in The Hurt Locker. I hope everyone enjoys.**

The massive rotors on the Chinook swiveled over her head as she stepped off the chopper. Already, the heat and sand soaked air plastered her skin. She carried her duffel to the mess hall to meet with the other men in her squad. She knew she was the only girl in the team, but was excited and nervous at the same time. As she neared the doors, she could only imagine the harsh words that might come her way. She tugged on the handle and was greeted with a chill of air as she stepped out of the sand and into the hall. A man sat at the table, alone. She walked over to him and sat her bag on the table, looking him in the eye. "Are you EOD?" The guy scoffed and turned around on the stool, leaning on the table. "Yes, Barbie. I'm EOD." Her brown hair was pulled back into its usual tight bun. She had served her time, worked her way up the rank. But she had yet to find a genuine guy who would not make a big deal of the fact that she was a woman. "My name is Specialist Madeline Gilmour." He stood a great deal taller than she, but smiled. "Kennedy. Corporal Jake Kennedy." She returned his smile. "I have only one question, do you have a problem with me being a woman?" He chuckled and sat back down. "Hell no. If you made it into EOD, you must be good. Most women drop out of the class, don't even make it halfway." She sat down next to him and took her hat off, rubbing the back of her neck, and they continued to wait.

The doors opened and two more men walked inside. She stood and saluted, knowing one of them was their leader. The last guy coming close shook his head. "Easy there, Specialist. I'm not that extreme on the protocol of being saluted everytime I walk into the damned room." She gave a small nod and sat back down next to Jake. "Alright. Well, I am Sgt. Will James. I'll be the guy in the suit. And all I know are your ranks. Anyone care to give me names?" She looked to her left at the other man and then back to James. "I'm Madeline Gilmour. Jake Kennedy, but I have no idea who the other guy is." The _other guy_ sat silent, his arms crossed across his chest, blocking his name patch, a scowl on his face as he glared a hole through her. "That is Luke Taft. No offense, Madeline, but he's not too pleased about a woman being on this team." She let a pleased smirk slip across her lips as she stood and collected her bags. "I'm here to do a job. We're all together for a year. I'm a woman. Holy shit, tell me something I didn't know. I've put in my 10 weeks of basic combat, my 39 weeks of advanced individual training, passed the security clearance, and scored a 110 on the ASVAB. Just the same as the rest of you. I intend to do my job. Or die trying." James stood before the two men, a slight smirk on his face as she turned her back to him. "Gilmour, no one is trying to offend you. It's just how he feels. Come sit back down." She turned around and scoffed as the two remained seated, and James looked to be waiting on her. "No, thanks." She walked out of the mess hall and towards the bunk which she knew was hers. She opened the door and dropped her duffel on the floor, before flopping onto the bed. After a few minutes of blissful silence, she sat up and looked around. Not bad at all. As she finished emptying her bag, she found her cigarettes, lighter, and bottled water. She stepped outside and found a shady place to sit and smoke.

A small cloud of sand puffed up as someone joined her. "That was some speech, Gilmour. Don't think you changed his mind, but he's one of those people who has to have something to bitch about." She took a long drag and offered James one. "He's just a prick, though. I mean, James, do you really think they'd let me on EOD if I hadn't completed everything to their satisfaction?" He blew the smoke out and shook his head. "Hell no. But this isn't a game. It's not battle of the sexes, or Sahara Dreams. Just keep your helmet on, listen to me, and fuck everyone else." She looked at him and giggled. "Not literally, I hope." He rested his elbow on his knee and ran his fingers through the sand. "Look, I'm pretty impressed you had the ability and balls to tell me no." She took a drink of water and bit her lip. Here it was. The whiplash of her temper catching up with her. "James, I'm sorry. I just hate it when I'm underestimated because of my gender. It's sexist and stereotypical and pisses me off in the worst of ways." He held his hand up. "It's fine. Really. I need someone on this team who won't be afraid to tell me no." He stood up and tossed his smoke into the sand, grinding it in with his boot. "Get some food and sleep. We're up at 0500 for breakfast day after tomorrow and some training exercises before we actually go out." She held up her bottle of water as he walked away. She stubbed out her butt and stood up, headed back to her room where she found another woman. The girl walked over towards her, her hand extended. "Hey. You must be Gilmour. I'm Regina Lawson." She took her hand and shook it. "Nice to meet you Regina. I'm Madeline. Or just Maddie." She smiled at the other woman. "Well, Maddie, I'm just glad I have another woman to bunk with and not a stinky ass man. Spend enough time around them already. Everybody calls me Reggie." They laughed as she headed to the door. "Well, Reggie, I'm heading out to the mess hall. I have got to eat something and soon." She let the door close behind her and saw James coming out of his bunk in his gear.

She walked over to him and stopped him in his tracks. "Where are you going all dressed up?" He chuckled. "I've got to help one of the other squads detonate some shit. They leave same day we start. Just trying to help them out." She nodded her head. "Well, have fun with that." She turned to walk away when he got her attention. "You want to come with me?" She grinned and nodded her head yes. "Well, meet me by the humvees in 10." She busted through the door to her room and quickly threw on her jacket and helmet, grabbing her M16 from her locker and her sunglasses. She arrived just as he fired up to go. She opened the door and jumped in. "You seem excited." She nodded her head as he maneuvered through the gates and into the sandy ocean. "I am. Just ready to put all that work to good use." He lit a cigarette and they drove for 30 minutes into the sand. He grabbed the humvee radio. "This is James. Driven for 30 from base. Where to now?" The radio was silent for a moment before it came to life. "Veer left, 5 minutes." She sat in silence, getting sleepy from looking at the same scene for going on 40 minutes. She knew she had to wake up, so she decided to talk. "So where are Kennedy and Taft, James?" He took one hand off the wheel and stretched his fingers. "They wanted to stay back at base and eat, watch a movie, basically horse around. If they get themselves killed, it's on them." As she opened her mouth to speak again, she saw the other humvee come into view. He pulled along side and shut off the engine before climbing out. She joined him as he spoke to a tall, skinny black man, his name patch reading _Moore_. "We already applied the C-4 to countercharge the main charge. Should be ready to go. You got 4 different sets to go off. I'd give it about 10 minutes between each set." James nodded his head. "Got it." Moore and another soldier climbed into their humvee and drove off, sending the sand flying.

She unstrapped her helmet, leaving it on, and walked closer to James. "So you were planning on coming out here on your own to blow up stuff?" He looked at her and smiled. "Well, it sounds bad when you say it like that. But yeah." He opened the box containing the detonation devices and readied the first. "You ready, Madeline?" She nodded her head and looked out over the sand. "Fire in the hole! Fire in the hole!" As he finished yelling the second time, a deafening boom blasted, and sand shot into the sky about 350 meters away in a dip in the dunes. She sat down to wait for the ten minutes, James taking a seat next to her. "So, what's your story, Madeline?" She sighed and watched as sand still slowly drifted. "Not much of a story, really. Graduated high school, did the college thing, and actually applied myself, and now I'm here." He shook his head and slid off his helmet. "Nah, there's more to it than that. I'll get it out of you eventually." She smiled as he stood up and walked over to the det box. "Fire in the hole! Fire in the hole!" Another explosion sounded.

When they were finished, he loaded the det box in the back of the humvee, and they headed back to base. The sun was setting, and it was starting to cool off by the time they pulled back in at the gates. "Well, Gilmour, if you ever want to talk to me, or need me, you know where my bunk is." She smiled and nodded as they parted ways. She headed to her room and stripped herself of her gear before heading to the mess hall to get some food. She took her tray and her stomach growled at the sight of the chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, and the roll that awaited her. She ate alone, not knowing anyone in the mess hall, and disposed of her trash quickly before heading back to her bunk. Day one was almost complete. And soon, she'd be doing what she loved to do.

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**Tuh Duh! There's chapter one. Read, reply, hate, love, which ever you prefer. That's just the way it goes. I would've written more, but I'm suffering from a hand injury and it took me two hours just to type this out. More soon, and even sooner if I get a reply. ;-) **


	2. Chapter 2

**Yay! I got a review! And a couple followers. :) Selene you don't ****_have_**** to watch the movie to understand it, but it might help out a little to get a better idea of Sgt. James' character. It's The Hurt Locker. It's only on DVD order from Netfix. I've looked. But you don't have to watch it for the story to make sense. I'm not using the other two characters from the movie, just James. And Bubbles, thank you. :) So happy I have a follower or two! Okay, so since I got 2 replies, I shall update now. :D Again..I own nothing.**

It had become almost a ritual for the past three days. Every day, wake up, shower, eat breakfast, build a dummy bomb, dismantle dummy bomb, working one on one with James discussing various situations; bomb in the middle of the street, disable, bomb in the middle of the desert waiting for a humvee to come along, blow it. It had to be ingrained into your soul what to do. To be able to have the ability to make a split second decision was of the utmost importance if you planned on making it out alive. She knew she was awake, but kept her eyes closed as she lay in her bed, listening to Reggie's breathing in the bed next to her. The door opened, but she lay still as a pair of boots thudded on the floor over to her bed. She opened one eye to see James standing over her. "Come on, Maddie. Today's the day we all go out and see what you've learned. Get up, and we're going to be briefed at breakfast in 30." He turned and walked out of the bunk, closing the door behind him. She sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed as she rubbed at her eyes. Finally, she stood up and grabbed her fatigues and made her way to the bath house. The warm water made her happy, but she knew the clean feeling would only last until, if she was lucky, noon. She stopped by her bunk and dropped her dirty garb off next to her bed before heading to the mess hall. She made her way through the empty line and grabbed a muffin, a small cup of fruit, a container of yogurt, a few slices of bacon, and a cup of coffee with extra cream to jolt her awake. She sat down next to Kennedy and began eating as James walked up with his folder.

"Alright, guys, and gal. Today we're just going to be on patrol. If we get a call for an explosive, we'll head straight for it. Should be about a 15 hour day today, and, as usual, it's going to be hot. I'm going to grab some chow and I'll expect you to be ready to leave in 30. Taft, you're driver, I'm shotgun, Kennedy and Gilmour, you're in back. Gilmour if something comes up, you jump on the 50, got it?" She nodded and picked her cup of coffee up, taking a long drink before setting it back on the table. Kennedy wiped his hands off with a napkin and looked at her. "So, why do you get to be on the 50?" She set down the piece of bacon she had been nibbling on and licked her lips. "Well, I took sniper training. Same rounds as a Barret. But look at yourself, Kennedy. You're a linebacker beast. Taft's driving, and James is in the front, so out of the two of us, I think it's because I'm tinier and a smaller target if we were to come under attack." Taft remained silent. The whole four days since they had met, he had not said two words to her.

"Do you have a problem, Taft? Because if you do, I think we need to sort it out before we get out under fire and you decide to let the woman get shot and shipped." He smacked his coffee cup down on the table. "Yeah, I do have a problem. You're a woman. This job is stressful enough as it is having to worry about insurgents, IED's, and snipers, without throwing a PMS, bitching, whining woman into the mix. It's chicken shit, and I don't like it. I don't like you. But you know what? I'm not just going to stand aside and let some hadji shoot you between the eyes. As much as I don't like it, you're a part of my team. And I will defend you the same I would as James or Kennedy over there." She stared at him, not wanting to believe the level of sexist remarks he had just made when James spoke from behind her. "Correction, there, Taft. This is _my_ team. And all of you are a part of it. So you had better pull whatever rodent has crawled up your ass, out, and get over it. Because until she has proven she isn't fit to be in this squad, she's staying." Taft jumped to his feet, grabbing his tray and cup, and headed for the trash can. "Yes, sir." Then he stormed out of the mess hall.

She finished her breakfast while James and Kennedy talked about what James had seen before. She went to her bunk and grabbed her equipment for the day and headed out into the already sweltering heat. She reached the Humvee just as Taft did, and climbed in the back without saying a word to him. She rolled her window down and lit a cigarette, taking a few drags before James and Kennedy finally arrived. She got out and walked to the back as Kennedy opened the door. "Gilmour, you loaded the bot and the suit, right?" She nodded her head and stepped closer to the bot, putting her hand on it. "I think we'll name him." Kennedy cracked up laughing and she smiled, knowing it sounded silly. "They're almost like a dog. Loyal, do what you need them to do, die defending you if that's what it takes. I kind of like Capone." James just raised his eyebrows and let a slight chuckle escape. "Hey, it's your _dog_, Gil. You name him whatever you want." She smiled and shut the back and walked around with James, climbing in the seat behind his and heard him speak. "Allright, let's roll."

The first couple of hours were quiet enough. There were a few kids running along side the humvee, throwing rocks and laughing as they drove past, a goat herder blocking the street, and a couple of civilian fist fights that weren't important enough to get involved in. She had just finished another cigarette when the radio came to life. 'Reported IED roadside. Bravo Two, what's your position?' James reached over and picked up the communicator. "We are 20 away from Baghdad Airport Road. Location of possible IED?" She looked to Kennedy and smiled, listening as a voice returned to the radio. 'Location is same, Bravo Two. You'll rendezvouz with foxtrot four.' James looked ahead to the road. "Roger that." He set the communicator down and turned around. "Helmets on, pay attention to everyone around you. Taft and Kennedy when you get out, scan your sectors. Gilmour, start deploying the bo...Capone. Alright?" Everyone nodded their head as they rolled through empty streets. They came to a stop right beside another humvee and got out of the vehicle and into the conversation.

A pot bellied man stood infront of 4 other men. "Which one of you is James?" James stepped forward towards the man and shook his hand. "Where's the possible?" They turned to the side and the man started pointing it out to James. Gilmour had the bot halfway out when James shouted at her. "Gil, forget Capone. Just grab the suit." She pulled the heavy suit from the back and walked over to James, handing the helmet to Taft. She and Kennedy helped him get it on and as she flipped the visor down over his face, he gave a small wink and a smile as he turned, headed down the road. "James, this is Taft. You copy?" She climbed onto a low ledge to gain visibility on him as he continued down range. "Yeah, Taft. I read you loud and clear." The other humvee had left them alone to do their work. She used the scope on her m16 to look for potential targets, but hadn't realized how many people would be standing around watching. Children, men, women, elderly. It was confusing and frustrating. Anyone she took as suspicious, she waved off, and they waved back. All friendlies. "James to Taft, I have found wires." She felt nervous, knowing in an instant, James could be gone. She spotted a man standing in a shadow under a canopy from a vendor's building. She clicked her scope to slightly zoom in and saw he was looking down at something in his hand. "Kennedy, there's a man near the meat building. I think he's got a device in his hand. Unconfirmed." She saw Kennedy look immediately in the direction she was talking about. "Roger that, Gilmour." Kennedy walked towards the man, his gun aimed as she radioed Taft. "Hey, Taft. Tell James to come back." She kept an eye on Kennedy and noticed the man was becoming quickly nervous and agitated.

"Yeah, girl scout. I'll just tell him to forget all about it. Stay in your position." She scoffed and jumped down, running to join Kennedy. She approached the two men, her gun aimed. "Put it down." Her voice, even though she was nervous, did not shake. It was firm and commanding. She looked back at James and saw him still within the blast radius. For a moment, she thought the bomb had detonated, but was surprised to see Kennedy prying the cell phone out of the man's hand as he slumped to the ground. The hole in his chest had a red blossom working its way around the outside, and the position it was in meant it could have only come from her. She heard James' voice through her headset. "Everyone, I'm still going to deactivate this thing. We'll let the guys come and get it when I'm done." She felt like she was in a fog as she turned and watched James flip his visor up and start to work. Kennedy put an arm around her back. "Hey, we're not done. Let's get back to the humvee and scan our sectors. We don't know if he had friends." She nodded and they started walking back towards the vehicle. She turned around and looked on the rooftops, in dark windows, and at any people she could see. Suddenly, they all started to look like enemies.

After what seemed like an eternity, she was shaken from her thoughts when she heard James once more. "Okay. I'm done. Let's get our sorry asses outta here." As James was taking off the suit, she stuffed the helmet into the back. "What happened?" She didn't say anything, but loaded the bot the rest of the way into the truck. "Specialist." She didn't want to relive it. To feel victorious in the fact she had just killed a man. "Madeline." She looked at him and put the rest of the suit in the back before closing the door. "Look, come to my bunk tonight. You need a drink." She bit her lip and nodded as they walked around to the side and climbed back into the humvee. The next shift of EOD came on as they drove through the gates to base. She went to her bunk and set her things inside before heading to the showers. She couldn't get the man's face out of her head. She washed her hair twice and as she soaped up her face, she heard someone shout into the bathroom.

"Gilmour?" She paused for a moment and listened. "Yeah?" She heard nothing else. She quickly rinsed off her face and grabbed the towel just outside the curtain before stepping out. Taft stood against the wall, his arms crossed. She walked to stand across from him and crossed her arms. "And you're interrupting my shower time, why?" He pushed her back against the wall, getting in her face. "I'm interrupting your shower time because you were wrong. You had no proof that the device was connected to the IED. You disobeyed my order." She scoffed and tightened the towel around her. "Well, Taft, last time I checked, James was the one in charge. Not you. And he does a hell of a lot better job at listening than you do. I told you what I saw. Kennedy acted on it, and I tried to get you to cancel the walk James was on. But a girl scout apparently doesn't know shit." She saw a blinding white light and saw stars for a moment. It took a minute for her to realize Taft had just hit her when she heard another voice. "Hey!" She saw James sling Taft against the wall and get in his face. "The next time you touch her, look at her, or even think badly of her, I will personally kick your ass and kick you out of my squad. Is that in _any way_ unclear?" Taft shook James off of him and walked out of the bathroom. He turned to her, scaring her a tad with the bewildered look in his eye. "Come here." She took a couple of steps towards him and felt his rough hand on her cheek as he slid her wet hair out of the way to see her face.

"Might have a small bruise. You okay?" She nodded. "To be honest, I'd really love to just finish my shower. I was planning on coming to your bunk after I got done." He chuckled. "Well, I think we should eat before we drink. We do have to work tomorrow." She turned and headed back to her stall. "I'm going to stand outside. Just in case he decides to come back. We'll go to mess together." She let a small smile cross her lips as he walked outside. She climbed back in and rinsed off once more before stepping out again and drying off. She quickly got dressed and they stopped at her bunk to drop off her shower things. He came inside with her, since Reggie was gone. "So, how is it exactly you can have a beast like Taft hit you, and you just let it roll off your back like water?" She walked to him and gave a small sigh. "It's just something I've sorta become used to. But let's talk about that during drinking. I'm actually starving."

After a visit to the crowded mess hall, the sun had set and it was dark outside. A few small lights were the only thing illuminating the bunks on base. She followed him up a few small stairs and through the door to his bunk room. It was slightly smaller than her own, but she assumed it was because she shared. He had the room to himself. She sat down at the desk chair, saw a bottle of Jack, and smiled as she picked it up. "Hello, old friend." He handed her two solo cups and a 2 liter of coke. She poured half a cup for them each and cracked open the bottle, filling the rest with the liquor. As she took a long drink, he sat down on his bed and drank. "So, you're used to being hit?" She laid her head back and felt the alcohol already start to take some effect. "Well it's not that I'm used to it or that I like it. That's just pretty much how my last relationship went. We were so in love, then I found out I was pregnant. And that's really when the abuse started. He got arrested twice for it, but I begged them to not punish him. I thought we were supposed to work things out." She took a few minutes, and a couple swigs straight from the bottle, before continuing. "And then one night, he was drunk, pissed at me, and I wound up in the hospital. Lost the baby."

"Damn, Gilmour. I'm sorry." She finished her Jack and coke and set the empty cup on the desk. "James, it's not like it's your fault. I know you feel badly, hell I do too. But it happened and it's over. And I've come to terms with it. Plus, it's been a little easier since I know he got locked up for domestic assault, for the third time, which makes it a felony, and manslaughter. I haven't really looked back. I don't want to dwell on what's passed. You know? I just want to move forward and see what comes from the future." He raised his glass. "I'll toast to that." She picked up the bottle and took a drink. "You don't have to keep calling me Gilmour. Maddie will do just fine." She pulled out her cigarettes and lit one up, tossing them to him. "Well then, you're not allowed to call me James anymore. Not Sir, or Sergeant." She took a drag and knocked the ashes off in the empty cup. "Ok, fine. Will." She smiled at him and took note of just how intoxicated she really felt. She stood up and walked over to his bed, sitting down next to him. "I think you'll get us all out of here just fine. Maybe not Taft. He's a little too concerned with wearing his ass as his hat, but Kennedy, definitely." She looked at him and smiled as she saw him looking back. "And you." She didn't know why, but something in the way he said that made her want to wear a huge goofy stupid smile. "Well, yeah. That would really be appreciated." They both laughed a little before falling quiet.

"Maddie, I'm gonna try something. And if you don't like it, feel free to knock my ass out." She immediately felt nervous and butterflies started to soar through her stomach. "Okay.." She knew what was coming. But it was new and different. She felt his hand on her cheek, his thumb slowly stroking over the spot where Taft had hit her. His face was inches from hers, and soon she felt his lips pressed gently against her own. She kissed him back, sliding her hand onto his cheek and gently pulling him to her. It seemed to last forever, but in no time, he stopped and rested his forehead against hers. She heard his laugh and smiled as he spoke. "We are so drunk." She began laughing along with him, knowing it was the truth. She stood up and slowly walked towards the door. "Hey wait a second, Maddie." She turned around and leaned against the wall while she watched him rise up off his bed and stumble towards her, falling to the floor just a couple feet from her. They dispersed into a fit of drunken giggles as he army crawled his way to her as she slumped down to the floor. She slowly stopped her laughing and stood up, grabbing his arms. "Come on, Will. Get up." He stood up and took a step forward, pinning her against the wall. It was quiet outside the door, and just as quiet inside. Will's whisper almost sounded like yelling. "Hey." She smiled at him and had to make herself not laugh. "Hey." Before she knew what was happening, his lips were on hers again, his arm slipping around her waist and pulling her closer. As much as she hated to, she pulled away. "Will, we have work tomorrow. And I really have to go to bed. And so do you. Or you could spend all day dismantling bombs with a hangover in the scorching heat in a kevlar parka. Your choice."

He leaned back and gave her some room as he rubbed the back of his neck before he sighed. "Ah hell, you're right. Night, Maddie." She gave him a small peck on his cheek and opened the door. "Night, James." She let the door close behind her as she tracked her way back to her bunk. When she walked in, she found Reggie already passed out in her bed. As she took off her boots and laid down, she couldn't help but have thoughts run around in her head. Finally, sleep overtook her. She didn't remember if she dreamed or not, but when she woke, a simple quote was the first thing on her mind. _Same shit, different day._

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**Chapter two! Because you're awesome. And I'm awesome. And The Hurt Locker's awesome. :D More to come soon, probably tonight, if I don't get too busy. If not tonight, then for sure tomorrow night. Read&Reply. 3 :)**


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